School started today. I'm depressed. Not just because of school, but because of everything leading up to it. I've had a boring, rainy, summer- I spent the nights trying to fall asleep, and half the days in bed or just sitting around not knowing what to do, or in summer school for failing math. I've either given up on most of my friends, or we're not friends anymore for various reasons, so I didn't have many people to do things with over the summer. Even when my cousin came over I felt alone. Even when I was on vacation with my family I felt alone; they don't understand me- that only just now began to bother me a bit. I can't be very open to them and tell them my thoughts or feelings. Maybe I'm just making up more reasons to feel depressed... Now it's school and my classes basically suck; nobody is really there to talk to friend-wise. I have a few friends, but still... One class is especially sucky because I have all the people that a year ago I'd have loved to have in a class, now I hate them. I've always wanted to try and distance myself from people... now when it's finally happening, I'm starting to wonder if it's the right thing to do and such. From there, I keep reminding myself- as if subconsciously the thoughts creep into my head- this is life. Monotonous, redundant. I don't live for myself or for someone I love, I live for an institution. Plus, I'm becoming an adult- more responsibilities and such; the thought of being an adult is kind of unsettling for me. Plus, going back to the feeling of loneliness, lately the hope for someone to love is more frequent; I feel like a hopeless romantic who hasn't even had his first kiss and who lately is starting to hate myself more and more for all sorts of reasons. I realize my life is not worth complaining when compared to those far less fortunate than me, but I'd just feel better getting this off my chest a bit... To complete strangers over the Internet. And go ahead and call me an emo... I am emotional, after all. Just thankfully I'm not a scene kid emo camwhore. =X

"A pill to make you numb, a pill to make you dumb, a pill to make you anybody else..." -Manson